Tuesday, August 28, 2007
I am no stranger in justifying what people call true happiness or something made believe built based on lies. I always tell myself that I should be happy with what I have and be thankful for whatever may come my way. How long can I go on filling myself with such hideous lies? Why aren’t I happy: I always ask myself. I have so much expectations out of myself, so much obstacle I have provided myself. What I want, I’ll try to achieve and once it’s fulfilled, I fill myself with something more to look forward to. I beat myself up over the slightest imperfection.
Living in Southern California has its draw backs. I can’t remember the last time I felt rain or smell the taste of rain. I love rainy days when I have not working and just relaxing around. I’m glad that Mike & I will be moving to our new place with a balcony. I will love to sit down, reading a book with the fresh drops of rain. Rain drops are filled with colors and hope. Hope that you know someone feels & share your grieve with tears from the sky by your guardian angel up above.
I wonder what will it be like 10 years from now. Would I still be the same person I am today? I can pretend and tell myself how I see myself in the future. But the truth is, nobody knows. How can one see themselves in 10 years time when none of us can explain what may come our way. The only thing we can do is perhaps enjoy every day like there’s no tomorrow. We should never do anything which will make us look back and regret for all the foolish decisions we have made.
We have to always cherish our loved ones who’s around us. How would you know how much life time you have in this world? I could be a pig in my next life? An animal who shows and feels such great variety of emotions but never would know how to express them, nonetheless, be able to tell others why they feel that certain way. I’m learning the way to express my gratitude and love to all the ones I love with my heart.
Lately I cannot explain the changes I feel in my mind, body and soul. It feels as though I have stretched out all the cells in my body. I have always been a fighter and will never take any empty seats available. My seat should always be reserved, only placed there for me, never occupied by anybody but myself. I’m tired. I really am.
I want my life back. The life that I have once longed for. The one I never gave up on having.
On a brighter note, I have this battery operated massager and it’ll light up in green. I think I scare Hunter & Tiffany with it.. Ai gu yaaah!~ hehe (Malaysian = Aiyor/ Haih)
I’ll end this with Jim Brickman’s “I see the moon”
I see the moon,
The moon sees me,
The moon sees somebody I want to see….
So God bless the moon,
And God bless me,
And God bless the somebody I want to see…
Good Night & Sweet Dreams.
all about me
i'm 24, living in Rancho Santa Margarita, California. I have a loving family and a wonderful fiance. I have 3 pets, Hunter, Tiffany & Bug. I'm working full time as a Assistant Controller. I love spending time cuddling with Mike, going to new places.
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Thank you mommy & daddy for the support and love you've given me. Zach, for the times you stood there listening to everything that I had to say.. and last of all, my baby mike.. I LOVE YOU & I LOVE YOU. Thank you for making my world filled with love and colors =)
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