I have always been told that “Love” will get you home. And that if you ever find yourself lost, love will guide you to the right path in life. How would you know if you follow the wrong star? Things can be so unpredictable in a blink of an eye. At times you will feel like you have the whole world and that you have no complains in life.
I am no stranger in justifying what people call true happiness or something made believe built based on lies. I always tell myself that I should be happy with what I have and be thankful for whatever may come my way. How long can I go on filling myself with such hideous lies? Why aren’t I happy: I always ask myself. I have so much expectations out of myself, so much obstacle I have provided myself. What I want, I’ll try to achieve and once it’s fulfilled, I fill myself with something more to look forward to. I beat myself up over the slightest imperfection. Living in Southern California has its draw backs. I can’t remember the last time I felt rain or smell the taste of rain. I love rainy days when I have not working and just relaxing around. I’m glad that Mike & I will be moving to our new place with a balcony. I will love to sit down, reading a book with the fresh drops of rain. Rain drops are filled with colors and hope. Hope that you know someone feels & share your grieve with tears from the sky by your guardian angel up above.
I wonder what will it be like 10 years from now. Would I still be the same person I am today? I can pretend and tell myself how I see myself in the future. But the truth is, nobody knows. How can one see themselves in 10 years time when none of us can explain what may come our way. The only thing we can do is perhaps enjoy every day like there’s no tomorrow. We should never do anything which will make us look back and regret for all the foolish decisions we have made. We have to always cherish our loved ones who’s around us. How would you know how much life time you have in this world? I could be a pig in my next life? An animal who shows and feels such great variety of emotions but never would know how to express them, nonetheless, be able to tell others why they feel that certain way. I’m learning the way to express my gratitude and love to all the ones I love with my heart.
Lately I cannot explain the changes I feel in my mind, body and soul. It feels as though I have stretched out all the cells in my body. I have always been a fighter and will never take any empty seats available. My seat should always be reserved, only placed there for me, never occupied by anybody but myself. I’m tired. I really am. I want my life back. The life that I have once longed for. The one I never gave up on having. On a brighter note, I have this battery operated massager and it’ll light up in green. I think I scare Hunter & Tiffany with it.. Ai gu yaaah!~ hehe (Malaysian = Aiyor/ Haih)
I’ll end this with Jim Brickman’s “I see the moon” I see the moon, The moon sees me, The moon sees somebody I want to see…. So God bless the moon, And God bless me, And God bless the somebody I want to see…
lately i've been so busy left and right, i started feeling like i have no time for myself. i've decided to go back to school again and have started continuing my studies this summer. i have finally finished my human resources classes and started going for night classes. the average for full time students would be taking around 12 units of classes but im currently enrolled for 18.5 units and the max units to take for a semester would be 19 units in total. believe me, it is definitely very stressful to take so many classes and driving to school on a couple of nights after work. but i know and im sure, all my effort and hardwork will be paid off in time. i'll will preparing for my PHR or maybe SPHR board exam for Human Resources next year and will start preparing for it now. PHR/ SPHR is something like taking a CPA exam. i know it is a very difficult exam and definitely very expensive.. but again, which exam is easy?
mike & i will be moving end of september to rancho santa margarita. I think leaving in newport beach is nice, having the beach so close and everything. but living in the coast area has its own draw backs such as noisy as most people who lives by the coastal area is noisy and very much "party" people. at nights, you hear loud noises because people are having a party, drunk people here and there. RSM is a city something like irvine.. perhaps a 20 minutes drive from my parents if not less. mike & i finally signed our leasing agreement and got ourselves this spectacular place. about 200 sqft bigger than the one we have, my wonderful fireplace, full sized washer and dryer and a very very nice roman tub. it will be on the third floor with spectacular view of the mountains overseeing a park. i think hunter, tiffany and bug would love love love the new place. we took my mum and sis and hehe my mother loves the apartment but was worried about mike having to move our furnitures. but this will probably be the last time we move anywhere around orange county till we make a big move to kentucky in the next couple of years thats when i think i'm done going back to school for something more again.
life has had its ups and downs. mike and i have definitely gone through a lot together. it is hard to believe that mike & i will be celebrating our 2 years anniversary soon. everyday i tell myself and remind myself that there are not many men who would leave everything they have to be with the one they love. and i am very thankful that i found a man who would do that for me. i believe that since mike moved here, he has filled out all the gaps in my life. i'm now not lonely in the nights. i no longer sit by the patio at night wondering what would my life be like in america anymore. sometimes i find myself hugging mike for no apparent reason and thats my way of thanking him for being here with me. and i know there will be many more happy years ahead for the both of us.
believe it or not, i still think of my friends back in malaysia, wondering how have they been. i've made some friends here but only friends. besides michelle, i no longer have anymore close friends compared to the one i've made back home. as life goes, you grow wiser, you learn a lot more than you think you would. i've seen so much in life now than i would have. i have always thought america would be different compared to malaysia but the truth is, no. there will still be the prom queen wannabes, a clique of girls laughing at people, surfer dudes who think they are everything, people who waste their lives going to clubs and getting drunk, people who uses their parents' money to show authority, ladies who leech on their boyfriend's wealth, bunch of assholes driving with loud music, young people who have tattoos and try to show off, fat people desprately trying to gain attention and be accepted, ass kisser and dreamers who hope and dream for something that may never come their way... i hate girlfriends who leech of their boyfriends and those who uses their parent's money for authority the most. never show off or ask for something that you yourself on your own cannot afford it.
i'm 24, living in Rancho Santa Margarita, California. I have a loving family and a wonderful fiance. I have 3 pets, Hunter, Tiffany & Bug. I'm working full time as a Assistant Controller. I love spending time cuddling with Mike, going to new places.
Thank you mommy & daddy for the support and love you've given me. Zach, for the times you stood there listening to everything that I had to say.. and last of all, my baby mike.. I LOVE YOU & I LOVE YOU. Thank you for making my world filled with love and colors =)
